So today started out as planned: I woke up at 6:30 and then started baking the cookies (although I do still have some batter left–I only baked enough to fill up the gift basket since that’s all I had time for). The visual set-up was all ready to go. I just needed to stack the cookies once they were finished (after a couple minutes’ cool-down period) and label all of them using notecards and tape. I tied it up with the ribbon and then we were ready to go. Stacking was pretty easy, too, except for the CocoNutella. The cookies spread out farther than I’d imagined, so I had to shove in three of them vertically and then managed to get seven more horizontally. It sort of bothered me, but hey: you do what you can with the time you’ve got. (I just hope they didn’t stick together too much because they didn’t cool down long enough.)
Before I get to the ranty part, here’s what the entire thing looked like in the end:
So when I got to the place, of course, everybody was very polite. They were the exact same faces I’d seen the first three times I’d been there. When I explained to them that I felt guilty, probably being their worst patient ever and that I wanted to bake the cookies that I’d made this morning, they were very sympathetic. All I got was gratitude and one of the receptionists had her hands on her heart and said, “Aww, that’s so sweet.” Honestly, I hadn’t really felt that kind of warmth before, doing something genuinely selfless (okay, it sounds bad, but how can I not explain how that feels without sounding like I did it to look good?). I even almost considered going back there for my next attempt at LASI (if I could just convince the surgeon to let me have one earbud in to listen to music and let me be in my own world as he does his job).
One of the assistants, whom I had been with during each of my visits, said–and I know she probably didn’t mean anything by it because they all really wanted me to get what I want, which was to be independent from glasses (after 17 freaking years)–“Maybe you could see a therapist about it and that could solve the issue.” I know what she meant: going to therapy means having to find the psychological root of a problem that causes someone to live a so-called “abnormal” life.
However, that also implies that I’m the one with the problem, not them. As if their way of doing things was flawless. They believed that the only person at fault was me, for being overly sensitive when something is about to touch my eye. Same mentality with the drugs: Valium always seems to be the answer for them. “Maybe we should give her just a little more Valium and fifteen minutes for it to take effect.” The only effects I felt were loopiness and drowsiness, hence the post-visit naps. They would have been way more useful when I was under the machine.
The receptionist also suggested something about Valium after the therapy comment, which further proves that they really do believe the issue was with me, not them. That it was my own mentality which caused my anxiety. I say that I’m anxious, but only because that’s what all introverts say. I’m not usually that way because I don’t always find myself under a machine that I know is going to open up my eyeballs. They’re saying that I have some sort of mental deficit that kept me from staying calm underneath that machine. When you suggest that someone should go to a therapist, you’re implying that they need extra help. I’m not saying that therapy is a bad thing; it’s an amazing experience, I’m sure, to make those breakthroughs in order to improve the patient’s well-being, except it’s like asking an obese woman how far along she is.
Normally, I wouldn’t complain like this about a place of business, but I know that other LASIK surgeons play music during the procedure. I read a comment online about a different place where they specifically asked the patient what kind of music they like to listen to and play it over the speakers during the procedure. That’s why I can’t help but wonder why I couldn’t do that either, because music definitely sends me to my own little world, especially show tunes because there’s an actual storyline that the soundtrack follows.
Hehe, maybe I should’ve just had them play “Next to Normal”. If you don’t know what that is, it’s one of my favorite Broadway musicals about mental illness and how drugs don’t work. That psychotherapy is all guesswork and they prescribe medicine anyway, making adjustments…to only the medicine and just hope it works. Spoiler alert: she leaves her family to stay with her parents, leaving her husband and daughter to pick up the pieces.
I suppose what went on in my mind as they were talking about therapy and even more Valium, was, “Hell no, did she really just say that?” When you first see the word “therapy”, you probably think of crazy people, and I know that therapy isn’t like that most of the time. The illnesses that they deal with aren’t as visible to the naked eye (yes, I just said that) as a patient from a medical hospital would suffer.
Well, you probably see where I’m getting at: if I truly needed psychiatric help, I would have made a scene, but I’m not like that. I’m too introverted for that type of confrontation. I just shrugged and said maybe because that’s what the world needs more of: ignoring condescending behavior, so the friendliness can continue and you would not have to see their faces. Ever again.
Okay, rant over. The rest of the day, I actually spent doing arts and crafts stuff, which was pretty fun, and I know this has nothing to do with cooking, but if you don’t mind reading about it, then please continue! I always wanted to make a chew toy for my dog, and since he was getting groomed and there was a Michael’s next door, I figured I might as well get some fabric (which was actually cheap enough for me to pay out of my own pocket 😉 ).
Going into this, I had no clue what I wanted to make as far as the creature or item went, so I went with the standard human figure. Then, as I was on the hunt for designs, I realized that it would probably look more like a voodoo doll. That’s when I considered just keeping it myself for one of those needle placement things you put in your sewing kit.
I remembered in home ec (which they apparently don’t teach anymore?), that if you’re going to stuff something, you need to sew it up outside-in first. Then flip it right for the thread not to show. Then you can add the stuffing. Well, since I didn’t know what I wanted to make, I didn’t consider what I’d use for stuffing, so I decided that it would be best to wait till I cross that bridge to get cotton balls. ((According to my mom, you don’t use those as stuffing, but…where else am I gonna get it without having to completely maul another stuffed animal that we already own?)
Oh, and I also got this red velvet fabric and just knew I had to have it, even though I had zero clue what I wanted to do with it (although that was mostly because it was the last one). So I can make the cake (sorta), now let’s see what I can make of actual red velvet. I’m probably going to make two pillows. I’ve at least made those before, so I can’t go wrong there.
I even considered making a dress out of that because it IS long enough for me to wear, but a voice in my head said, “One step at a time, hon.” To which I replied, “Good call. Pillows it is.” (Or is it grammatically “pillows they are”?)
Anyways, I know most of my artwork today had to do with crafts, but it’s still a way for me to be creative. This whole gift thing makes me really want to go into the business of baking or making things that people will want to give with sentimental messages on them: thanks, congratulations, grieving loved ones, birthdays… At first, I decided on culinary school, which I still plan on doing, but how do I have so many options now?! I can finally do something creative that I’m actually good at in a way that I can also make money!
Which reminds me: last night, my friend, who is obsessed with Starbucks, gave me some suggestions on the banana-cinnamon cooki names, since I was struggling with. So I ended up with “Cinnana Macchiato”. How adorable is that?
And CRAP!!! Yesterday, I forgot to say something! It’s too late now, but I’ll bring it up anyway: so you know how I was prepping the batter yesterday so I could bake it today? Well, yesterday, I was going to say, “while I did all the prep for today, as Shang said in Mulan, ‘Tomorrow, the REAL work begins.'” Yeah, means nothing now…
Well, break an egg!